On the TV show Scrubs, the main character, a doctor, JD has a son during the run of the show and at some point starts to become a different doctor. Changing his medical calls, altering his choices as his heart changes the way he feels about himself and his newborn son. Being a father changed him. It was better or worse, it was different.
I feel that way about my daughter.
I’ve always had emotions, I’m not a robot. I’ve always felt I was a little empathic towards the people around me. I’m more of a sissy when you think about it. When it comes down to the nitty gritty of it all. My daughter’s presence just amplifies it. It’s neither better nor worse.
For the first ten months of her life, a day or night didn’t go by where I never saw her. Like, I never went away and missed her for an extended period of time. I was either there in the morning, day or night. Never once not seeing her for ten months. I never noticed it until the weekend I actually went away and didn’t see her for three days.
I’ll tell you this, I had a panic attack the first night. In the past, yes I have had panic attacks, I am prone to panic attacks in time of emotional stress and this was no exception. As I laid my head to rest that first night it was terrible, crying and pining for my little daughter. My first night away from her, and the subsequent following days of not seeing her, were terrible (emotionally terrible, it was a great time but I missed my family).
I’m not above anyone to say that I love my daughter more than life. More than myself and more than anyone else, but guess what? I do. I will bend bars and break bones for my little kid, its a simple fact that any father should do for their children, no matter their age or what choices they make.
It’s safe to say that in the past year since October 2012 when I was first asked to Dad blog for monalisamom.com I have preconceived notions of how a child should act all the while trying to parent a child who is as independent as Galactus is large. I’ve changed a ton in ten years, and changed even MORE in the last three. My daughter’s milestones from years two to three have been the best I’ve witnessed; I wish I could name them all.
If you’re a parent, new or old, and remember what it was like at this stage, I’m in heaven with this little rug rat.
My family is my oxygen.